bas

so i'm sitting here wondering how it is that i feel like i've been pushed to the very lowest totem. when did that happen? i thought i had great friends who would walk a mile for me... because i'm fairly sure i would for them. i've gotten 30 minutes of sleep in a night for them. that's for sure. so when did i get pushed to the part where you're next to the decaying dead animals?
i must have missed that.

i'm tired of it. i'm not going to do it anymore. if making plans with my friends means someone will always be late or always cancel i'm out. until i decide that it's worth it, i'm just not involving myself with it anymore.

evidently, the part i've missed out on it the part where yes, friends will walk a mile for you, or any other odd task that you might require. UNTIL the boyfriend (or qqu) requires/desires/considers their company. and then it's A DIEU to lindsey and BONJOUR to the garcon. and the shittier part of the deal is that i haven't got anywhere else to go. i have my friends... and that's it. it doesn't extend past that. except to my cat, and he's in playful time right now and not ready to be nice. but the point is, they can go running to a boy(s) when they get stood up. and it's fine. but MY FRIENDS ARE ALL I HAVE RIGHT NOW. do they not understand that? you'd think when i told one of them how the other stood me up and girl a got all offended for me about girl b doing it that girl a wouldn't stand me up herself. but oh, no, 2 seconds later it's "i'm sorry, i've got to go have this argument with my boyfriend... it's the same one we have every week/two days, and we won't come to any other conclusions nor will we settle on anything... but that's more important than our plans. toodles!"

WHERE DOES MY BREAK COME IN?!

i know this is incredibly way beyond selfish. yes. i know that. but seriously. am i not entitled to that every now and then? i really don't think i ask way too much of my friends. maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm an awful, selfish, bastard of a friend... so much so that i'm lucky i even have half-way decent people to claim me every now and then. maybe i'm the girl i hate.

love
lindsey.